Life Can Really Suck (some more)
Jan. 17th, 2009 05:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chachingFirst, thanks to Tan for accidentally making me feel better by letting me talk fandom at her. I'm much calmer now after what happen below:
Megan is looking into apartments in Springfield that we can share. We think I can get a job at the local Walmart at least, and we'd be able to afford the place. Problems with this plan are obviously getting the job (which shouldn't be too hard, you have to suck balls pretty bad not to get a starting position at Walmart), getting the money for that first bit of rent (the downpayment part when we sign the contract, etc), and the fact that I don't have a car (we don't know what the hours are going to be, so carpooling might be a little impossible).
Megan's still looking into the important things, such as estimated expenses, etc, and what's needed for the lease or whatever. Her parents seem cool with this idea, and know the area the apartments as in and thinks it's a good place to start out.
My sole job at this moment is to run this by my parents and wait for information from Megan so I can give them specifics. That's where shit hit the fan.
I decided to talk to my Mom first. She's strangely more reasonable when it comes to life decisions. I knew she wouldn't turn the idea down, because there isn't really anything wrong with it. It's just a matter of coming up with money before we can get started, and as we don't have a specific date we need the money before and there isn't a real rush, I suppose, it shouldn't be that big a deal. Mom WAS amiable about the idea.
The first word's out of my Dad's mouth were: No, you're no moving to Springfield.
Note he said this just from hearing the tail end of my conversation with Mom, and that he hadn't heard any of the facts or ideas yet. It's just a flat out response that makes his stance pretty damn clear.
I'll pause here and mention that I've seen a counselor on how to handle it when my Dad shoots me down like that. He suggested doing what I can to get out from under my Dad's power. The unfortunate thing is, unless some knight in shining armor shows up, I need Dad to LET ME GO, before I can leave, since I would at least need financial support to get out the door. I can't get a job here. The area has been in recession for at least five years and neither me or my little brother have been able to find employment, thus my reasoning to find it elsewhere.
When my Dad shuts me down like this, it's very hard for me not to break down right there and cry. It's from all the frustration of not getting the chance to be heard and pushing against his brick wall. He's raised me to be pretty damn dependent on his decisions and input and I don't know how to escape it without having the money in the first place so I wouldn't have to rely on him for help to get started.
I state my reasoning, what Megan and I are working on, what I would need from him to get it to work, emphasized that there is no real deadline we need to meet to get that done, mentioned that Megan's still digging up specific numbers so he'll know exactly how much money it's going to cost, etc.
He tosses out "you need a job before you can get a car." And that's about it. No helpful advice on how to set the plan into motion, no "sure, we'll come up with something, or at least we'll TRY". Just a laugh, a one-liner, and an adamant "no".
I go to my room to calm down and try to work out how to present my argument better to at least get some input on what I SHOULD be trying to do, and when I come out ten minutes later, the son of a bitch is ASLEEP, taking a nap on the couch, completely unaffected by all the stress and how upset he made me.
My mom sad it best when she said told him before we parted ways, "You just don't want her going anywhere."
How am I going to escape my father if he won't let me leave?
So yeah, that was my day. I'm on a very low downer, finding amusement in the fact that I can't go jump off a building, because my town has an ordinance that won't let you build a house taller than one story. It's like the town itself is working against me, even in that too.
I've been so tired and miserable, and none of my efforts are accomplishing anything and haven't been for a year and a half. I want a fucking life, how do I get one?
Megan is looking into apartments in Springfield that we can share. We think I can get a job at the local Walmart at least, and we'd be able to afford the place. Problems with this plan are obviously getting the job (which shouldn't be too hard, you have to suck balls pretty bad not to get a starting position at Walmart), getting the money for that first bit of rent (the downpayment part when we sign the contract, etc), and the fact that I don't have a car (we don't know what the hours are going to be, so carpooling might be a little impossible).
Megan's still looking into the important things, such as estimated expenses, etc, and what's needed for the lease or whatever. Her parents seem cool with this idea, and know the area the apartments as in and thinks it's a good place to start out.
My sole job at this moment is to run this by my parents and wait for information from Megan so I can give them specifics. That's where shit hit the fan.
I decided to talk to my Mom first. She's strangely more reasonable when it comes to life decisions. I knew she wouldn't turn the idea down, because there isn't really anything wrong with it. It's just a matter of coming up with money before we can get started, and as we don't have a specific date we need the money before and there isn't a real rush, I suppose, it shouldn't be that big a deal. Mom WAS amiable about the idea.
The first word's out of my Dad's mouth were: No, you're no moving to Springfield.
Note he said this just from hearing the tail end of my conversation with Mom, and that he hadn't heard any of the facts or ideas yet. It's just a flat out response that makes his stance pretty damn clear.
I'll pause here and mention that I've seen a counselor on how to handle it when my Dad shoots me down like that. He suggested doing what I can to get out from under my Dad's power. The unfortunate thing is, unless some knight in shining armor shows up, I need Dad to LET ME GO, before I can leave, since I would at least need financial support to get out the door. I can't get a job here. The area has been in recession for at least five years and neither me or my little brother have been able to find employment, thus my reasoning to find it elsewhere.
When my Dad shuts me down like this, it's very hard for me not to break down right there and cry. It's from all the frustration of not getting the chance to be heard and pushing against his brick wall. He's raised me to be pretty damn dependent on his decisions and input and I don't know how to escape it without having the money in the first place so I wouldn't have to rely on him for help to get started.
I state my reasoning, what Megan and I are working on, what I would need from him to get it to work, emphasized that there is no real deadline we need to meet to get that done, mentioned that Megan's still digging up specific numbers so he'll know exactly how much money it's going to cost, etc.
He tosses out "you need a job before you can get a car." And that's about it. No helpful advice on how to set the plan into motion, no "sure, we'll come up with something, or at least we'll TRY". Just a laugh, a one-liner, and an adamant "no".
I go to my room to calm down and try to work out how to present my argument better to at least get some input on what I SHOULD be trying to do, and when I come out ten minutes later, the son of a bitch is ASLEEP, taking a nap on the couch, completely unaffected by all the stress and how upset he made me.
My mom sad it best when she said told him before we parted ways, "You just don't want her going anywhere."
How am I going to escape my father if he won't let me leave?
So yeah, that was my day. I'm on a very low downer, finding amusement in the fact that I can't go jump off a building, because my town has an ordinance that won't let you build a house taller than one story. It's like the town itself is working against me, even in that too.
I've been so tired and miserable, and none of my efforts are accomplishing anything and haven't been for a year and a half. I want a fucking life, how do I get one?
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no subject
Date: 2009-01-18 02:00 am (UTC)This is CHA, I swear.
Date: 2009-01-18 02:35 am (UTC)I don't know how much I need. I won't until I get information back from Megan. But I will keep you posted as new information comes in.